好久不见，你好吗？

Been so long since I posted...
So much to write about, but the list of things I wanted to (from way back in November!!) has disappeared under the mess of whatever it is I call a desk.
So many things I need to do, but lately I don't have the energy. It's like creating a Wash U bubble but only in the area around Waseda and stretching occasionally to the next train station for more or less food...

Today, tumbling rumbling, for the first time in my life I seriously debated whether to eat or to dance. 「そして自分が誰なのかも分からなくなって」
Trying to get more involved with my circle, and lately have been joining in the meetings and things to see how things are run. I'm so sad that I will only be here for a few more months... and that Japanese is such a barrier to getting to know the people in the club. I don't know whether to think it bad that I want to improve my Japanese simply to get to know these people better... it's more or less the same reason I study Chinese and why I find it so fun and thrilling, although I have consciously put it on the backburner for now (along with Korean..). But just the thought that my reasons for learning Japanese have expanded from just pure -- I wouldn't call it love for the language but something close to that -- whatever it was is kind of a not scary, just chilling thought. Will I be able to keep this up, strive and continuously beat the myself of yesterday? 挑戦、a word I learned the other day and possibly my theme for the rest of this break.

I am incredibly saddened, distractions and sidenotes aside, at the time difference it takes for me to read a passage in Japanese and for me to feel as if I understand it (although academic grammar sometimes really throws me off sometimes....), to where if I re-read it, I could fall into the same kind of distraction free world I do when reading in English, free of worries and distractions and experiencing whatever it is the author set out for me to....

Adobe Illustrator! The first time in a long while. If it works, I'll be using it to design the poster to attract new students during the opening month of next school year, which is an incredibly big deal... Need to find time to catch up with everyone (what am I doing writing this then!? I still ask myself but know this kind of outlet (wrong word again) is important too)

I think it's partly the guys in my club encouraging me to go after different girls but lately I've been thinking too much about 人間関係、specifically 恋愛, to the point where I've wondered if one of my club senpai's was hitting on me... and I tried back.......... (FAIL), and today a student volunteer for the school run international club kind of thing told me she always noticed participate in events and stuff (lit she's watching me hahahah but not that creepily) -- she's kind of cute, so I took that as a come on..... and left XD this time.... aiya but I wanna stop thinking about these kinds of things. I knew I shouldn't have voiced anything when some of the guys asked me if there was anyone I was interested in, cause I had that feeling that once you say something it makes it sort of real, at least a little bit. Maybe the realness is just me thinking too much about how it's sort of real, or maybe it's real and I don't want to admit it and spend the time and effort so soon when I feel time is short, but I think I'm getting overwhelmed.

I've said it to some people before and it really creeped them out but I get infatuated really easily once I've first met a person, and in most cases after a while I just sort of get used to their existence... but everyone in my club is really really cool, and the sort of cool down period isn't happening as fast I guess I could say, and maybe that's just me not being able to get to know people well enough.... we'll see I guess. Most of the girls are taken anyway luckily, so I won't be doing anything TOO stupid hopefully -__-;;;;

This all started that night though, a few posts back.... or at least I feel like that was a serious turning point in my view of this kind of thing. But no more thinking about that for now!

Illustrator finished, I'm off to try it. Hopefully my computer doesn't die (My friend Ghazal's died today (in a horrible soup accident), and I tried to help her call tech support.... FAIL)

Argh. Can't end with a fail... so Naruto! WTF kishimoto ><;;;;; but Onepiece I'm really looking forward to and Bleach... man Aizen is pwning so hard but he doesn't seem all that powerful anymore, unfortunately... I'm really disappointed in that.... and wtf is Ichigo doing??? Ok, done for today... wah this was supposed to be a short post.... guess I need to use English more.... gonna be so weird to come back and be trying to catch up on popular lingo and that kinda stuff.... (Lately I've gained a new respect for international students at WU.....)