and maybe mom was right, I should find or be paying some educated in Japanese person to converse with and raise/maintain my ability level (and on that note seeking out Chinese more actively as well). I was extremely disappointed at what may be the only 見本 available on the internet for the OPI Superior ranking, but watching that argument about the Japanese prime minister's acceptance of donations from Korean nationals was at times disheartening [although I did 改めて実感 the feeling that emotion/rudeness/etc in Japanese comes through mostly in not the words you choose, but in the tone, etc that you choose them, much more so than English and, it would seem, the complete opposite of Korean, where there are apparently so many curse words?, I did not understand most of the background of the trial, what the 参議院 is or it's questioning processes (why did the guy keep sitting down... even when he started giving one word answers... and wasn't the accuser dude hella rude!?!?! And was accuser #2 regarded as passionate or just a loser? hmmm), or why the trial/witch-hunt itself is even important, and was lost at the dialogue itself many times...].
Still angry at that bastard and his ideas of a politically correct "gap year"; social etiquette be damned,! if you don't want to hear what I'm up to then don't ask. Too bad for you if I don't fit neatly into your self-consolation terminology.
Although I do wonder if I was a little to blame, having this lack of human contact (see above desire to join a message board or online community, or the ダラーズ) which lead to 油断 on my part towards the outsider (a concept which still troubles me to this day, those words by shakku).
Starting to wonder if I should just give up on the idea of grad school and get a job for now (it's that or ace the GRE in the next two weeks, ask for references by tomorrow AND have a clear idea of what I want to do...). Oscillating between knowing exactly what I want to do with my life and taking comfort in the fact that when I get tired of searching for it I can always sell my soul to the government/military. A far cry from my original "dog of the military" days, and a bit disillusioned at my own reality in opposition with that Ed brought: soul-selling with a purpose, for something otherwise unattainable, was supposed to have been the norm, no, the absolute, for all those voluntarily in the military. I am at once disappointed, laughing at some sort of naivety held within, and amazed at the influence which a favorite work can have upon a person.
Gotta write to 7-chan,
\and others\
[edit:] 蛋疼 this apparently describes a lot for me these days, haha. Thanks, chinasmack :)
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