Maybe someday I'll learn?

Was struggling with the question of whether to leave this open or not. It will stay open for now; comments =/= readership after all, right? While this remains primarily an exercise for myself, it just drives home the self-censorship that goes on whenever I write one of these things. Would a personal (as opposed to semi-public) diary leave more intimate details, more ways for me to recall the goings on of these too short years? Probably not, but you won't find the type of thoughts that ruin friendships on this site, maybe only vague hints.

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Have you ever crushed on someone, only to hear them talk and realize they are not at all the way that you imagined them, and become instantly repulsed?

Have you ever continuously judged someone based on their looks as stuck up and not willing to talk to you, only to talk to them and find that they put you at ease, and you wish you had gotten to know them much earlier?

Both in one day. Awesome.
（土）

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I walked into the afterparty the other day, and didn't have time to put down my coat before the group had split up. Saying to heck with it, me and Keita headed for the center of the action, where I had spotted one of my explore kids up on a table rocking it hard -- I had decided earlier in the day that she is a really interesting kid (as opposed to an outwardly similar, yet disgustingly apathetic and self-interested girl I know...) based on a few words she spoke, but this sealed the deal. Anyway, there we are, on the fringes of the incredibly small dance floor, and a good song comes on. I'm closer to the crowd, and start bouncing; you know the awkward, I-dunno-what-I'm-doing bounce that nearly everyone knows how to do?
Suddenly I accidentally bump into someone dancing in front of me, move back just enough to not disturb the flow of the crowd forming behind me, and take a look. There is a couple on one side, the man grinding the girl, and another girl, the one I bumped into, dancing facing the couple in that way girls do together, something I hadn't seen for a while. I go back to dancing but a few seconds later, she bumps into me. I stand my ground, shaking a bit to the music, and waiting for her to move back. Slowly, her right hand goes up, up, above her shoulders, neck, head, and she touches my chest. It's a fleeting grasp, and almost instinctively my hands follow down, down her sides and quickly settle into place, but that right hand of hers reappears and pushes my right hand down, to her hip, and we begin grinding. Slowly at first, in time with every other beat, and my left hand free to do as it pleases... I realize she is a short, full-bodied asian (duh) girl, and pretty cute; I'm sure to get a lot of crap about this, but what's not to like about that in a dancing partner? I actually saw myself making out with this girl I had come across only a few minutes into entering the venue, and was dancing with without so much as having received a backward glance for a second, and imagined the wildfire gossip that would have ensued... Not that couples making out were anything rare that night, but as soon as these thoughts crossed my mind it must have shown on my face, because the girl from the couple she was dancing with suddenly pulled her away, and I remembered having to protect the girls from strange guys during MAASU all those years ago, marveling a bit at the role reversal.
Maybe because it was so short there were no bitter or leftover feelings, no 口惜しさ, and I remember walking back over to Keita and saying "That was interesting."
I saw the same girl later that night, dancing alone with a guy and having reached the kind of grinding I hadn't been able to... and again later literally stumbling out the place drunk with the girl from the couple I had seen her with earlier. Then it hit me, she might have been one of those random older (max 30?) people that had somehow found their way into the club as well.
However short, dancing with her was good in reminding me of those situation-specific feelings/sensations/motivations and reasons to get a girlfriend and go dancing, and it's interesting to compare how I reported handling things a year ago.
The rest of my night was spent in my normal mode of running around, saying hi to people, being really bad at crowd surfing and finding circles to join.
It also hit me, after this semester, if I find a college-age girl I really will just be one of those older creeper guys I detest so much... fits in with my somedays general regret of not starting college at a later age and greater experience and foresight....

Found myself identifying (no real person in mind) with these lyrics:
君のキスがい～い、きみの声がい～い、傍に居れるなら何も要らないよ (from Chemistry 君のキス）
and playing right after, this song, for all you FLCL lovers out there.

I think I've been infected with something. Or maybe it's a normal process of growing up, during the last semester or when it seems everyone around you has been getting together... although, I can't imagine anyone other than Theja (and he is 極度 with the belief）actually thinking I have an interest in the girls here, much less the girls themselves haha. I think I'm just too lazy, to actively go after someone...
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Interview tommorow. Haven't prepared and it's past 1 ammmmm. Hope it goes well.
Gotta remember to apply for study abroad this summer.
And do homework.
Eat well.
Exercise (need my biiiiiikkkkeeeeeeeeeeeee).
Finish this stupid grading and sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep. T___T

Maybe someday I'll learn.