have massive anxiety when it comes to doing my hw... the ones I've put off, I mean

and now, no choice but to forge ahead.
don't think I can do this

100th post! Not like I had imagined...

"The point is to be able to think more realistically, rather than simply thinking positively."

Know yourself and your limits, open yourself up to aspects of yourself that may be underdeveloped.

“Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone.”

“Quit whining. Go out and help people and you won’t have time to brood…”

“You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.”

"What can I do for you?
Name anything and I’ll do it for you.
Talk to me
I’m here for you and I’m not leaving you
Rest, as long as you need to
Peace, my peace I give to you.
Rest in peace."

"Suicide is a long term-solution to a short-term problem." Hahaha.

http://www.wingofmadness.com/when-someone-you-know-is-depressed-14

Something inspiring to wrap up.
http://manofthehouse.com/blog/editors-blog/the-guy-on-youtube-singing-with-his-daughter
WILD is in a bit of a better light...

いい彼氏を見つけるまで、僕と付き合ってくれないかな

いつかその台詞（自分から考え出したものだぞ）使ってみたい


なぜか分からないけど、僕を付き合う気にさせない女子に対して、その子が誰かと付き合っていることを知らされると、いやな気分になる。不快と言ってよい。
別に、僕が付き合いたい女子が彼氏をできると、同じ反応がある訳でもない。その時には、普通に、負けたとか先を越されたとか手が遅かったとか別に付き合いたかった訳じゃないしとか、色んな気分になるけど、上述と全然違う。
付き合う気のない女子、特にそんなことを自分から言う女子達に、裏切られた感覚が度々来る。

付き合う気のない、と言い換えると付き合えないと思う女子が、僕が勝手に、誰であってもその子に手を出すはずではない。というか。

どちらにせよ、その彼氏に酷い嫌悪を抱かないわけにはいかない。
前に付き合ったことない女子、特に我が後輩、が誰かとセックスをする可能性あるようになったと思っちゃうとさ。　そういう色気のあるはずでもなかったのに、と？

そして、最後に、誰かと付き合うならせめて我が友とよ、付き合え、付き合ってくれ。

知らないやつに嫌悪

（俺がそれをやったら、似たように誰かに嫌われるのだろうヶド）


[Edit]
These gems came out of google translate. From the last two lines. Ughhh Chinese test tommorow.

不喜欢他知道

（我明白了我不想成为别人类似）

実験連敗記録や、己が人生?

I am so damned inefficient.

Wish I had something, be it friends, alcohol, girls, incompetence, something other than my laziness to blame this on.

Starting to wish for ... what? I forgot.

Starting to seriously think about what I am going to do after graduation.
Feels like a waste, the 3 years I've spent at WU. That's in a lot of ways.

Overwhelmed again.
Negative thoughts pouring in.
Work not getting done.
Longing for Tokyo, and the good friends I have there and from high school.





Hopefully this will help.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq5_raising_emotional_intelligence.htm
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/psychotherapy_therapist_counseling.htm

Insomnia... trying Benadryl or Tylenol to get a decent night's sleep... that's if we have it...

(This should have been posted yesterday...)

Can feel myself slipping....

"We often want second chances.
Sometimes we don't deserve them."

This is a good lesson, from both the guy and girl's perspective. Gotta learn to be like the girl.

Neither dwelling, nor forgetting.

Ah, this is why I like Wong Fu.
But I'm still wasting time.
But I'm still slipping.

Wanted to enter the TSO Karaoke contest so badly!!

Laughed for the first time in a while. Vietnamese accent is interesting.

Japan 頑張れ！！！

さー、グーグル翻訳力を確かめてみるじゃねーか

少しは不謹慎かもしれないけど、先ほどふと思いついたんだ:　can't lose my Japanese.

だから、今「素直になれなくて」というドラマを自分のダウンロードしたエピソードの中を探し探ししてから選んだ。最近の馬鹿な恋愛についての妄想・未練等々をつい思い出してしまっているなか、まさかの恋愛系ドラマを観ることにするなんて、ドMに限っている示唆じゃんか

と考えられる

。。。けど何か？

アーーー　ドラマに出演する彼等みたいに、ためらわずに一度誘ってみたい。

でもいつもは無理やりに自重と感情抑制などをなぜかやる。
人間関係の適度さ（？）を守るために自分についてでも自分から述べないし、そういう作った関係の最初の形を維持するために努めている（言語遣いにでも顕在的な現象であり）。

そしてなにより仮面を被り皆騙しているじゃないのかと思ってしまうと否定まではできない

もんだいなのかな。つぎ、上海でまた自分をまた作り出す機会があると、同じくやっていくのだろう。それとも他人なりの自分になるかしら。。。

とにかく夜が深めていてこんなトンカンコン（だっけ）な想いを発想してても無意味さがあふれる

「素直になれなくて」が現代とよっく一致しているだけではない（ツイッターの使い方と、恋愛、人間関係といったところで）から見続けようかなと思う

【ちょっとした校訂：ドンマイ】

Earthquake, Tsunami

If I was better at planning ahead, I would have been there, right in the middle of things -- a chance to go to action.

Right now I am torn, and can't place it on the scale between blessing and curse that I lacked the foresight to a) finish a paper and b) know when spring break actually was...

Other things are, and finally seem to be, less important.

Feel so powerless... I want to be back there, back home...

Lazy and a tad lonely - a formidable combination indeed!

If I take the time to call you I want to be called back:
Current sleep schedule is no good.

People change so quickly... I would purposely stay another semester (I am too cowardly to force myself to, versus simply being overwhelmed and it winding up that way), but that there's no connections left for me makes it a mostly empty proposition. I don't know what I would do -- take Graphic Design, Korean, Physics. Sure, but then what?

Writing another essay really late. Can't believe it's almost spring break already. My last one and I'm not going anywhere again...

Got a hug from someone today, apparently one of my gestures looked like I was going for a hug (we've never hugged before). I needed it, more than I thought -- and maybe she did too.

GRrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!

What am I going to do with my life?

Am I callused from just one rejection?
Or have I understood the essence of 就職 once or for all?
Granted, the first (JET CIR) was the one thing I really wanted to do, the thing I thought I was destined to do and perfect for. I got ahead of the results and was already making plans for what I was going to do and how to do it, and when and where I was going to go, and I was devastated when I did not make it past the first round. I felt as if I didn't even have a chance to show myself.
This one, for the admissions office, is strange. Is different. やり切ったって感じだよ。頑張ったって感じだよ。I went out and bought my own suit, bought lasting razors and shaving cream and applied what I taught myself (trial and error) about shaving in Tokyo, made the decision not to cut my hair, showed up early for the interview, answered truthfully and said everything that I wanted to say (cf. the Ervin scholarship interview from when I was a pre-frosh... how different my life could have been! I heard some people got it even though they didn't interview too, so that's a clue to how bad it was...). I didn't send a thank you note for the interview or ask follow up questions*, but I am not hung up over that, and they were very separate from the idea that it would somehow help my application... Still I find it kind of strange. That I am finding it truthful, there was one door I did not close on myself (どうしようもなく気の毒に reviews from past experiences working on campus probably did not help though, and JET counts as that because of a subpar application and not enough research on the types of essays to write and which consulate to apply to...), and once it did a lot of pressure lifted, and many other opportunities suddenly became wide open.

Unless I somehow get into a master's program in China, decide to take up English teaching in Japan/Korea/Taiwan/China or get a sweet internship in DC, I will be here volunteering and improving my language skills, and I am excited. (What are my fears though? :) Thanks, Explore)

Have to remember to ask to be taught how to process international student forms, etc... one more skill to 身につく.

Went to A Midsummer Night's Dream with Jihee.
I haven't laughed (like that) in a while...
僕という雨男
But I might get to go to AXE Dave and Buster's because of it...!

Was going to make my mom order those stupid announcements, but this morning she told me she couldn't. Not that she didn't know how to use the website, but that she doesn't know anything. Majors, honors, etc. Just reminded me of how many people contributed positively to my education (were not neutral or just distractions) and how small that number actually is. I think I understood then why she wanted to pay for them herself.

*Which I have. But I really hate emails. When admissions hires someone from outside the university, how do they acclimate them to the environment; how can someone not from WU talk about it? And apply those strategies for Explore/Discover...