When will I learn...?

"Frequently the most talented people are those most aware of their own deficiencies and most willing to work hard to overcome them"

Caught up to Kekkaishi. It's so much better to be able to read something all the way through. Because of that I found out Hunter x Hunter is always going on breaks just because the author feels like it, so it's unlikely that I will finish it. Because of those though, I rediscovered an old manga, Ii's. It's a "very erotic very violent", yet ultimately pure while true to life-love story... makes me want to reread and compare it to Love Hina...

Joined Moshi Monsters because of Evonna. Even though I didn't want to, it's kind of easy to get wrapped up in it. Maybe that's why facebook games like mob wars and the farming game are so addictive.

Been kicking myself lately, for ruining my eligibility for Japanese government scholarships. Why is it that Chicago has all the embassies???? It has Japan, Taiwan, Korea, China, and tons of other countries I'm not really focused on. And because of it, they get all the investment and have all the awareness and support of the main countries. That means not only exposure to the languages and cultures, but also to the scholarships!!! Just thinking now, if only I had known I might have applied (mind you I would have become a very different person, and maybe even lonelier, never had my time at Waseda [I will need to muse later on not taking the chance to become another person, or at least not remaining that way], but throwing myself into a position where I would have had to define my interests and goals would have been beneficial -- as it is I've largely wasted four years and the time and money of a lot of other people, with no clear plan or even paths open for me; in fact with globalization the paths are closing faster and faster, bilingualism, something I've yet to -- and at my current motivation levels am unlikely to -- achieve, is being taken as a commonplace commodity, all the while people in places like Chicago have a head start simply from exposure) and been accepted into the MEXT scholarship program, which pays for 5 years of schooling in Japan plus spending money. Language training is on them, and after the first year you are proficient enough to attend college in Japanese. Looking at so many of the other students at Waseda (particularly Koreans) who had set such a goal for themselves and made it through juken I can't help but feel insanely jealous. Someone like me, who with the exception of those last 4-5 months at Waseda has always simply drifted through life... sometimes I feel like it's far too late, and whisper しょうがねぇよ

But is that the right way to keep going? If only I knew How to make it

So much to learn, so much to read, so much to eat.