Old messages...

So, as I was searching through my gmail to label all the things I've sent myself to watch, I came across this, which seems like I've never posted, so I decided to post it here. I don't know when it's from (sometime around the election, but I have no idea when that was), but I do remember writing it and some of the emotions that came with it.

On a related note, I found something that Melissa recommended me to watch, and I am struggling to decide whether or not I should actually watch it, whether that decision has anything to do with her (whether I would make it mean something like that) and some kind of possibly misplaced nostalgia, or whether I just want to see something good. For now I've labeled that email as well, but who knows if I'll open it again.

I also found an old conversation with Yuka around the time we broke up, which is really ironic or interesting or something because I was talking with Haruna the other day, and yeah hearing about your actions from the other person's point of view is always interesting. (It's not always cultural differences, either!) Makes me really appreciate Wong Fu's "See Through" even more than when I watched it earlier today.

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(the first, unpublished blog post)

Obama is going to be president... it's a little surreal...

As the days pass and the nights get longer, my room gets lonelier and lonelier. I can feel myself trying to avoid it and especially trying to avoid eating candy and things that will force me up into the night, trying to watch movies/Japanese period dramas to fall asleep... I am getting more and more tempted to ask someone to sleep over once to hopefully alleviate some of my apprehension and have some good conversation doing it, but it's such a strange, embarrassing request I don't think I'll have the guts to ask it any time while I actually need it.

I found out the scholarship I wanted to apply for (for learning Korean) is due in a few days, and I don't really have any close faculty I can ask for a recommendation letter, which I've found is a problem. But, I'm going to ask a few of my teachers if they would be willing and go ahead and apply for it anyway, just in case. I think it would be an amazing oppurtunity, and actually will help me in my goals and open up a pathway to a possible career.

I've been trying to keep track of the time I waste and use it more effectively, but (nan to naku) suddenly my work seems like it's more than I can handle. Got to work through it, give up some things (like the movie tommorow T__T, which I really wanted to see), get other things cracking. Destroy those weak, time wasting spots and get some effective study skills.
Today I took ~3 hours and went to get free ice cream, pizza, and cake, all of which was intended for people that actually voted. I hate telling people I didn't vote, or pretending like I did so they'll go away. I actually wind up making different stories to tell people, but I'm luckily none of them actually talk to one another, haha. But anyway, that was a pretty good study break.

Apparently the way I hang out with girls gives people the absolute wrong impressions. It is kind of unnerving.

That letter is still getting written, by the way. Hopefully, it'll be done soon.

Sore de wa,
(back to work)

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(the second, a sent mail to Yuka, different from the conversation I mentioned but from the same time period)

you can't ask me the favor now?
i need to talk to mel, we're supposed to celebrate finals being over with ice cream and that korean movie the "The King and the Clown". you should watch it with us on veoh or something ^_~ you'll like it, it's a good movie and one of the main character guys is really pretty. he's giving you a run for your money, haha (jk. he is really pretty though).
so anyway i will talk to her and tell you what time i'll be on later, k?
have fun meeting up with Chuan-wen!

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So I realized that blog post, and most of the other ones with it, probably wound up on another blog I had been keeping before this one. But I don't look at that one nowadays so it's refreshing and frustrating to try and measure how much I've changed from those points, snapshots of the past me(s).

(For the record, I asked the only person I really trusted/yearned for then to stay over and it was a weird request and because of past actions it didn't happen, particularly because it needed to be in my room; I didn't apply for the Korean scholarship because I actually did get even more scared about asking teachers for the recommendation and passed it off as something that would not allow me to work over the summer and would hinder my progress in Japanese, but it's something that I am regretting now and probably will only have one more chance for after senior year, even though that interferes with so many other plans/ideas of things I could do; My time management is still non-existent, although now I believe it has something to do with the time I shower, in that maybe I've tricked myself into subconsciously thinking that once a shower has been taken it's time to get to work, and particularly on a day like today where it's 6 pm and I haven't been down to take one yet, it's very detrimental to health, relationships, and work ability)